Lacing up my sneakers and sneaking out the front door, the sun, glinting through the space between the leaves of the old oak tree, greets my sleepy eyes with a warm good morning. Sunrise, my old friend. It has been hot here recently. We have had more than the average handful of oppressive, over 100+ degree days. At 6:30 am the cool, crisp morning air is a welcome refreshment. Crunching gravel, my feet feel heavy at first. But once I hit the smooth asphalt my pace quickens and a lightness sets in. Me-time. Some moms dislike that term. Other moms love it and embrace it. I don’t care what we call it, but for me this early morning, head-clearing, space-creating time makes me a better me, and a better me is a better wife and a better mom.
I love the dark of morning before dawn. It brings the excitement of the new day ahead but graciously gives a stillness, a peace in which to start the day. I used to be the early bird, catching worms and head-starts on my days. But then, children… precious little bundles who gave me something better to do than sleep at night… or eat full meals… or wear clean clothes. And so I embrace the perpetual grogginess, the half-eaten protein bars, and the strange food remnants on my yoga pants. And since welcoming my two boys into the world I must confess that I have established a love-hate relationship with my snooze button. This morning we did battle. I usually fumble to press the snooze emblem on my screen three or four times before giving up and turning it off altogether, crashing back into my pillows and catching up on sleep until the last possible moment. But not this morning.
This morning I press it once and then decide to get up anyway. Victory, ladies! Dear sweet hubby has already made coffee and is having his own quiet time with God. What a gift, for a wife to peer down the hallway and see her husband soaking in Truth and peace and asking for wisdom, laying down his own agenda and asking how God would have him die to himself today, in order to serve his wife and children. And what an example.
Coffee, hot and bubbly, pours into my favorite mug. It’s sage green and the words BE STILL are etched onto the surface near the handle. Settling into my corner of the couch I get to begin the day in a quiet space, asking for a quiet heart to be created anew in me. The ouch and ick of yesterday and the what-if’s of tomorrow are replaced with gratitude and an outpouring of praise. Jesus takes my tired and my broken and my mess and covers it with His strength and order and enough-ness. He fills up my love tank in the calm and steady of the early morning hour as only He can do.
A run through the streets of my pretty little town fills up my energy tank. Muscles breaking down, blood pumping, heart thumping; this is one of my favorite ways to start the day. Running re-fuels me for the tasks ahead, especially mom tasks. Multi-tasking is a must for moms. But this little chunk of time is mine… to be in one moment… doing one thing, breathing in and breathing out.
Honestly, I wish that this were my everyday story, my everyday storybook morning. It’s not. It may never be. There will be snoozefests after late nights with teething babies and early mornings cuddled up in bed with my preschooler. There will early morning flights that I almost miss, and late drop-offs at preschool. There will inevitably be mornings of rush and hurry. But, I pray that this is just the beginning of getting back to MOSTLY beginning my days in the lusciousness of that time just before dawn. I hope to be able to steal away these spacious moments, to remember that I am valuable and loved and worth filling up too.
For more of Brienne Myers, head over to her blog at adeepmercyandgrace.com.