Losing Baby’s Infancy, and All of My Good Ideas

It’s lost.  All of it.  After days of waiting and hours spent on the phone with tech support, some of the most important things in the world to me are gone forever.  I found some things in the process too, but oh how much I lost!

I thought, in this modern age, things like that didn’t happen anymore.

My old (please read: very old) IPhone gave up the ghost last week.  Oh, did I mention, it was right after the first day of school for the girls?  When change comes, it comes in clumps, I think.

Now, to begin with, I am not an Apple/Mac/IPhone kinda girl.  Don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are huge fans of Apple, so be assured I am a fair and tolerant human being.  But as for me and my house, we have always enjoyed the PC platform.  But, as luck would have it, there was this weird promotion a hundred years ago, where you could get an IPhone for like a penny or something, and my Razr flip phone at the time was on the blink, so we reached across the aisle for this one.

So, my phone was an Apple, but my everything else was very much in PC/Google land.  It already seemed like a logically disparate setup.  But, suspicious of Apple owning any more of my life than they already did, I never backed up anything to the ICloud, and I never opened an ITunes account.  Because that’s how they get’cha, right?

Turns out, that’s how I ended up losing my baby, and all of my good ideas.

Without enabling ICloud on my phone, I unsuspectingly left all of my info (aside from my contact list, weirdly) unprotected.  When the screen died, and I was unable to access anything on the inside, it all vanished.

My precious baby pictures of my little boy from birth on forward.  My writing notes I had dictated into my phone for years, for future blog posts, essay ideas, and book chapters.  Gone.  All of my images of the past year.  All of my ideas for future writing pieces.  Gone.  In an instant, both the past and the future were lost.

Let me say that one more time:  I digitally lost my past, and my future, just like that.

What I found was my present.

I spent my phoneless time staring off into the distance instead.  I nursed with my eyes closed, realizing how tired I was.  I chatted with the girls on and off, cooked dinner, paid the bills, and generally led a much more boring, more present existence.  I felt quite connected to my forebears of the middle ages, with their sheer lack of technology.  The resemblance was almost uncanny. *wink*

But 2017 grabbed me back soon enough, and I still needed a phone.  Luckily we had previously purchased insurance on my busted phone, so a few minutes later, a FedEx guy in shorts climbed the steps to our front door with a box holding a replacement of the Exact. Same. Old. IPhone. But you know, Refurbished.

Yeesh.

So, presently, I have the same new-old IPhone.  The first thing I did was turn on all the ICloud functions and let Apple flood into all my life analytics to collect and plaster them on all their billboards, all over the world.  Because I’m certain I am that important and am their perfect demographic. *wink*

The second thing I did was take a ton of pictures of my kids all afternoon.  They will grow up tomorrow, so I must remember today, and ICloud must ensure that I do.  Blerg.

The third thing I did was talk to God.  Which was surprisingly comforting.  I thought he would be like, “It’s an IPhone Steph!  Get over it already!”  But he wasn’t that harsh.  It went more like this:

“What was that about God?  I just lost all those baby pictures!”

I AM the giver of life itself.  I made and formed that child in your womb, and I know every one of his days before they come to pass.  I can number the hairs on his head.  I am the Lord, and I will not forget him.

“Okay, you’re right.  I should just trust you and, you know, scour Facebook for the few baby pics I shared on there.  There still should be a few out there.  But, what about all those ideas?!  I lost so much work and potential!  I felt like I had finally gained some momentum in my writing!”

I made you, placed a pen in your hand, and bade you to write down what you see.  I placed you on the earth for a time such as this.  It is not yours to control the disasters that may come upon you.  It is yours to write, and to trust Me to work my good will in you.  

“So, then this is a whole lesson to just trust you?”

Use this time of loss to trust me.  And play with your kids.”

“Really?”

As a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings, so I long to gather my people under my wings.  Love your children as I love you.  Gather them closely, and spread your wings of love and protection over them.  This is your sacred job as a mother, a task I have chosen for you.  And where I call, I am faithful to provide everything you need for life and godliness.  Call upon me, and I will answer you.  I will be with you in times of trouble, as well as times of peace.  I will strengthen you and uphold you with my righteous right hand.

“Lord, you are so much bigger than I give you credit for.  Thank you for spending time talking this out with me.”

“She will call upon the Lord and I will answer her…”  Psalm 91:15

And just like that, perspective changed.  When phone troubles come, I can call upon the Lord, and he will answer me.

Good one, God.

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Steph Lenox is a thirty-something wife/mother/writer. She writes to the mommy tribe, discovering that, in the end, it's the hard choices - and God's good grace - that feel way better than straight coffee and pastries and trash TV.

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