Freak-Out’s and Trusting

When it really matters, when in life a giant black sinkhole opens up downstream, and you don’t have any paddles to escape, there are essentially two kinds of prayers: Freak-Out’s, and Trusting. How can you tell the difference? The clue is to hear the prayers themselves. Listen to this one: “Oh God oh God oh […]

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I Have “Anything”

Sick babies don’t sleep. Mine didn’t that night.  In my delirium, I lost track how many times he yowled and I arose to soothe or nurse him.  It was a mystery illness, showing little but a low-grade fever for a few days, and a cranky demeanor.  I didn’t get the fever, but the crankiness sure […]

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To Give Your Best

Have you ever had a meal brought to you?  Say, you had a sickness, or a surgery, or a baby, or lost a loved one, and a dear friend shows up at your door holding out hot home-cooked food.  It felt pretty special, right? It IS pretty special.  When our baby came, our church coordinated […]

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Transformation of a Mama

Transformation can happen quite quickly: a baby bump finally pops out, suddenly leaving those previous pants impossible to wear.  Birth, though intense, realistically takes only a matter of hours, not weeks.  In an instant I meet my baby for the first time, and something inside of my heart cracks open.  I am transformed. Transformation also […]

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Hard Day Bouquet

Sometimes, we just need some hard lovin’s.  Someone to take us in, or take us on.  Someone to hold the space open for us to thrash around: fighting them, fighting ourselves, fighting the whatever it is that is making us feel so very bad, illegitimate, marginalized, stupid, disregarded, etc.  Someone to pull us close, and […]

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Wanted: an Unstressed Mom

You should feel bad. You should feel real bad. And so goes the voice in my head. And so, I do. I feel real bad, like an obedient lemming. Obedient to my own brain. And who doesn’t trust their own brain? It’s inside your own skull for crying out loud! Thus reads the script for […]

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God’s Cooking

  “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…’”        2 Corinthians 12:9 Paul is getting his answer from God after complaining about a hardship.  But I feel like Paul and I are jiving along the same wavelength when I too declare […]

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Wordless Egg

A day of losing and winning. It all started at the end.  The very end:  of the day, of my rope, of my ideas – save one. Dinner was almost ready…almost.  My youngest was watching cartoons, as is our pre-dinner regimen in this house.  (Judge not.)  My oldest, getting antsy, thought it a good idea […]

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Find Rest Oh My Soul

So, SELF… we need to talk.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but you are pregnant.  And not just a little bit.  But you keep thinking like you’re not getting totally huge.  So you run around like a normal Mama, but you’re beginning to amass a pretty big collection of false labor contractions.  Now, […]

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Neighbors: Looking Into Faces

Last Sunday afternoon, my husband took my kiddos on an outing, and I was left alone in an empty house that had run out of edible food.  Hmm, time to go to the grocery store. So I strapped on my preggo belly-support-belt under my clothes (like a true athlete), and drove to the local grocery […]

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